As a mother of 3 children, I learned early on that sometimes, you have to step in as the parent and fight for your kids. It doesn't matter what it is either, for the most part, sitting back and doing nothing is not an option. I'm not talking about going overboard. For instance, if your kid didn't get the part in the school play because the other person was just a smidge better or looked like they wanted, try again for the next one. But if your kid didn't get it because the teacher doesn't like them? Yeah, that's a fight. I have always been and will always be that kind of parent. My kids have learned from an early age that sometimes we don't get the things we want and that is ok. And that sometimes, we have been wronged and we need to fight against it. For instance, when my older 2 were on the bus, a little boy who was 'friends' with my son would start punching him. But only on the bus. At school, he didn't touch my son and just acted normal with him. But on the bus he would start punching him. The principle did everything he could think of to stop this kid and was in constant communication with me but it finally resulted me going to the school and talking to them about it and figuring out how to proceed from there. The school stepped in and eventually, the boy wasn't on the bus anymore. I wasn't a 'the bus driver will handle it' kind of person. I couldn't stand seeing my child hurt anymore and I knew the bus driver was trying but it just wasn't enough. And the sad part is that it was only on the way home from school and literally 4 mins from the school. Regardless, I was done and did everything I could to make it stop. I don't care who the person is either. A teacher, a store employee, my kids best friend. You do something wrong, I will make sure you don't do it again or remove my kid from the situation completely. Whatever is best. I know many who are not like this (my sibling is one) and it pains me to see parents not fight for their children. If you kid is behind in school, find a way to get them caught up. Your kid doesn't understand? Find a way to help them. Your kid needs a little extra TLC? Give it to them! You are the parent and you are their voice till they are old enough to have their own voice. You have to teach them to stand up for themselves. If you don't, then you better hope someone does so they aren't walked all over their entire life.
I have 3 kids about 2 years apart. All of them are healthy kids with their own personalities. My son however, was the wild one. The crazy child with a lot of energy. It was fun watching him be so silly and I have many stories, videos, and pictures of his craziness. From the moment he could move, this boy never stopped! When he was 2, he was out of control. It was reaching a point that no amount of punishments were working, nothing I was doing was working, and I was not enjoying my son at all. I hated every minute of and was at a loss of what to do. I was talking about it to a friend and they mentioned taking red dye out of his diet (my mom mentioned this too but I think I honestly forgot about it). Anyways, we did that and it was like night and day how much different my son was. My best example? We went to go see my aunt and grandma with my mom and other 2 kids (my then husband now ex was working) and we went to a popular tourist spot to have lunch. My son was all over the place. He wouldn't sit still. He was climbing out of his chair, he was loud, he was constantly moving and he just wouldn't stop climbing on the rails. After we removed red dye from him, a week or so later, we went back to see my aunt and grandma and my son was calm. He sat in his chair and ate his food. He wasn't running around and climbing the rails. He was enjoyable. I actually was enjoying my son again. It was a amazing! We kept him off red dye (even to this day and he is 9!) and for the most part, he was doing really well. When he was in first grade, his teachers started to notice that he had a hard time settling down when it was time, or not wiggle in line, or be able to pay attention as well. He wasn't on red dye anymore so we decided it was probably time to get him checked for ADD (now called ADHD). His dr got a referral and off to the specialist we went! After lost of testing and lots of talking and going through my kid's past, we got the official diagnosis of ADHD and the steps we need to help him with that as well as get the school on board. We tried meds but honestly, all he did was complain his tummy hurt and I couldn't do that to him anymore. So we moved to CBD oil for him and it worked beautifully! However, my son still kind of did things that we would have to break some how. For instance, he got a cold once and did a nose snort. And then even after the cold was gone, the nose snort was still around and was for months! The only reason he doesn't have the nose snort now is because he had his tonsils and adenoids removed! Then in Nov 2019, his lips got chapped from walking to school in the mornings and afternoons. We gave him chapstick and that wasn't helping so we told him to cover his lips in aquaphor before going outside and sent a little jar with him for it. His lips were red and chapped but not horrible. Than he went to his dad's house and they did nothing but keep putting chapstick on it and when I got him back, he had a huge scab below his lower lip. I ended up taking him to the dr for a swollen lymph node and the dr said the node was fine but that he had a staph infection on his lips. I was shocked! I was upset his face was worse and planned to take care of it but didn't even think a staph infection was possible. At that point, I was pissed that his father didn't pay more attention to it! We got it taken care of but not the damage was done and my son had a new 'tick'. He couldn't stop licking his lips and has been doing it ever since. It's been a year and 5 months and nothing has worked for this poor kid. After getting established with a new dr here, he sent us to a therapist hoping that maybe behavioral therapy would help stop him from licking. So we got an appointment for it and had to wait 4 months.
Now before I continue on, I'd like to go back just a bit. When we lived in VP area, a friend who went to our church had an autistic son as well as my ex SIL. My son was nothing like either of theirs but still had some things about him that would put him on the spectrum. I had talked to the friend with the autistic son and told her my concerns for my own son. Her son you could tell right away something was off with him. And he had the telltale sign of no eye contact so you knew he had it. My son wasn't like that. He could still make eye contact and my friend told me that my son was fine, he wasn't autistic and I had nothing to worry about. So I never pursued it then because my 'friend' knew what she was talking about. However, years later, it has always been on the back of my mind because of the little odd things my son did. The fact he was super routine, the fact he would freak if the routine was messed up, his little ticks, the way he would talk. I always thought he was on the spectrum but never pursued it. Till we started therapy for him. In the first visit, the counselor met with me only (dad chose to not come) and we talked about my son and his health and what makes him the person he is today. Even the counselor asked if it was possible that maybe he was autistic and I said definitely but that we never pursued it and explained why. He understood and we continued on. Over the course of the next few visits, he got to know my son and also did some sensory testing on him. After the testing was done, we got the official diagnosis that my son was autistic.
Understand, I am not saddened about this. I am not upset in any way about this except I wish I had pursued it sooner. I have no problem with this at all. Having an autistic son doesn't mean anything except that it explains my son that much more. It will allow us to put in to place something that allows him to be successful, it will allow us to get the school on board, and it will allow us to understand him even better. There is nothing wrong with my son. In fact, the opposite. He is a bright kid with a particular way of doing this and this explains it. That's it. He's a little more sensitive than most kids and he thinks a little differently. He also doesn't fully understand social cues and when it's ok to say something and not. But knowing he has autism, doesn't matter if it's super noticeable or not, is HUGE for us and will hopefully help him in the near future, in school and in life. I'm excited to finally have the diagnosis so we can move forward on this and hopefully, make things just a little easier for him. I am glad I listened to my gut and pursued it still. Later than I wanted to but I did it. Sometimes as a parent, regardless of who you know who might know more info on the subject, always go with your gut and always fight for your child!
