"You're brainwashing your children"

 My favorite phrase to hear on a regular basis....ok not really but I am told this one all the time. Here's the back story. I am a Christian. I have been a Christian all my life. When I got married and had kids, we knew we would raise our kids in the church. I am now since divorced and remarried and still raising my kids in the church. I reached a point in my life when I was younger that I knew I would have to start knowing why I believed what I  believed. Some people learn this and start to think for themselves and some people don't learn from this and their answer will always be 'because the Bible said so' or 'because my parents said so'. This is because the parent failed in their job which is to prepare their child for the world, teach them to think for themselves and to not rely on everyone else. However, simply teaching them the 'Christian' way is not brainwashing.

Let's look at the definition of brainwashing. Brainwashing: Noun. the process of pressuring someone into adopting radically different beliefs by using systematic and often forcible means. 

So, if you are sitting your child in a chair every day forcing them to listen to you and basically telling them they will not get their lunch if they don't believe in Jesus, then yes, you are brainwashing your child. But to simply raise them in church, teach the the ways of 'Christians', is not brainwashing. People really need to understand this. If you really wanted to, you could say that any teaching you give your child, good or bad, could be brainwashing them. Shoot, even discipline could be you brainwashing your child to do what is right. Let me give you some examples.

Example one: Your child is hitting their sibling constantly. This is not ok behavior. To correct his behavior, parents will spank or ground said child. You are giving a negative reaction to a negative thing and hope that they will associate it the two together and never do it again. ie: when I hit my sister, I lose my video game time. But couldn't that also be seen as brainwashing? I mean you are using force to make the child stop behaving a certain way.

Example two: I hate the Ravens football team. I raise my child to hate them as well making sure that every chance I get, I dis on the Ravens and say bad things about them. That could technically be seen as brainwashing. I have seen this done but mostly the parent was joking. Sometimes the kid would agree and sometimes the would disagree but they were raised to have an opinion regardless of what mom and dad think. But it could be seen as brainwashing....

See what I mean? I am not forcing my child to believe in God. I take them to church to hear about God. I pray over them every night before bed. We listen to Christian music (not all the time) and they read the bible app on their phone before bed at times (specially when they aren't home overnight with me). But I have always told my children that while I hope some day they will believe in God themselves and make that their choice, that I will respect them regardless of what they choose. I don't believe in gay marriage and my kids know that. However, they also know that if that is the life they choose, I will still be there for them. I don't agree with abortion (not even talking about rape here) but again, if my girls made the choice to have sex and abort their baby, I would still be there for them. It's called being a parent. Kids will grow up to do and believe their own things. It doesn't matter if we agree with them or not. You teach them the things you want them to learn. You're going to introduce them to the movies, books, music you like. You are going to teach them what political party you affiliate with and hope they grow up and think like you. But that is all it is, teaching. And if you are good at it, they will know how to think for themselves, regardless of what you believe. So stop telling parents they are brainwashing their kids when they take them to church. They aren't, they are just doing what they feel is best for their kids and unless they are harming the child, it's none of your damn business. Parenting is hard enough, we don't need your judgmental stares.

Internet Safety

 When I was younger, I didn't have the joys that internet provide for us today. In fact, I didn't have internet or a cell phone till I was in my teens and even then, it was no where near what it is today. We had to find other ways to entertain ourselves. Most times that meant getting together out side with the neighbor kids and playing in someone's backyard. Sometimes we played Nintendo games and other times we would watch tv but usually we were outside making up silly games and playing long into the night! I have some really found memories from those days! Things are definitely not the same here. Kids today have cell phones, tablets, tv, video games consoles (and a variety of them). Parents are more scared to let their kids spend the night at their friends' house (guilty) and would much rather the friend came here instead (guilty again). You are less likely to see kids playing in the street with their friends or having the neighbors kids in your backyard. The most sounds you hear in the summer is sprinklers and lawns being mowed unless you live near a park and get to hear the joyous laughter coming from there. 

I have 3 kids, ages 11, 9, and 7. They live with me most of the time. They have 1 weekend a month at their dad's (his choice) and then summer, (at least this last summer) we did 2 weeks there and 2 weeks here. Otherwise, the kids live with me. In our house, our kids are allowed to play video games, watch tv, and sometimes even get on their tablet they share (from their dad) or the phone we have provided them (for when they walk to and from school). Before I continue, let me give you a little tidbit of information. Before my ex and I split, we were implementing eating healthier, getting outside and exploring more, and not letting the kids have too much screen time. We believed (or I thought we did) that they would be healthier and if they had outside time too to be creative. My kids love the outdoors and will be dirty from head to toe after spend all their time playing in the dirt. Well, use to anyways. They are older now so they don't do it quit as much but they do still enjoy the outdoors. Would also help if we had more stuff at our house for them to do but they make it work. Anyways, since getting divorced, my ex has decided those are no longer his concerns and allows the kids to eat whatever they want and they spend hours on their tablet, playing computer games, or watching tv. Rarely are they outside playing. My oldest will also stay up anywhere from 2am to 5am at his place as well. There is no real structure and doesn't help that my ex's girlfriend has 2 girls who essentially rule the house and can do whatever they want as well. My ex and his girlfriend also stay up till 4 in the morning and get up at 12pm at the earliest so doesn't spend a lot of time with my kids as it is. This is definitely not a healthy example for my kids and honestly, isn't the worse thing my ex has done. But that's for another blog!

When my kids go to their dad's house, I provide them with a kids smart watch (literally can only text and call and only those I have given permission for). When they come home, the tablet comes with them so their dad can talk to them on it (he very rarely does). The last time my kids came back from their dad's, my 11 year old said she left her tablet in her dad's van and we went turning around to go back and get it. A week later I found her on her tablet in her room when she was supposedly getting her clothes ready for her shower. When I took it away and told her she was in trouble for hiding it from me and lying about it, she went ballistic. I finally told her to tell me why she had to have it and that's when it all came out! It turns out that she was talking to 2 in real life friends (possible 3, I'm a little confused on one of them) and like 3 (possibly 4) internet friends and convincing them to not kill themselves. She had essentially become their help, their lifeline. The reason they were living. She's 11. Way too young to be dealing with this on her own. There was a lot of yelling from her and from me. A lot of talking from my husband and my mom and we finally got her to understand why she needs to not be the life support for these friends and that they need help. We got in touch with the 2 real life friends and their parents and hopefully they are now receiving the help they so desperately need. But this has been a huge eye opener for me. I should have been on top of her more with her table and paying more attention to who she was talking to and what she was talking about. I was trying to respect that it was the tablet from her father and not my place to step in and it blew up in my face. Because I took at step back, my daughter is talking to people on text message, snapchat, gotcha life and many others I have never even heard of. She has been interacting with people who may or may not be her age but have problems galore and more then any 11 year old should hear about, let alone carry their burden. It has made me explain even more, the dangers of internet and why we need to be smart about what we do and who we talk to. We took her door off because she lied to us about something so important. And we took the tablet away until we get it cleaned off and then it's ONLY to text her dad. No one else right now. She is definitely grounded. I emailed her counselor and explained everything to her so she could help my kid as well. Since taking the tablet away, my daughter is no longer moody. No longer staying up all hours of the night to talk to her friends and keep them from killing themselves. She said she felt like a weight was lifted and she just felt better all around. She isn't spending hours in her room 'reading' and being alone anymore. She is interacting with us more and my husband noticed the difference the most since he is home with the kids all day. She is no longer biting his head off. Thank God. As long as we can get her dad to agree with our rules, she will no longer be on social media till she is older. 

This whole experience has opened my eyes even more to the dangers of social media. I am an adult who has facebook and snapchat and instagram. I talk to all sorts of people. People will randomly add me on snapchat and most have been pleasant but one was a young kid who was 14 years old and just randomly friending people and there have been a couple who were hoping for naughtiness. I know the dangers and have put precautions in place but it's worse then I even realized. We already banned tiktok from even being in our house and now have banned the rest. But what really saddens me is the fact that parents are allowing their children to be on social media not knowing what is going on in their children's lives, not knowing who they are talking to, or what they are looking at. I don't care if my ex provided the tablet, as long as it's in my house, we will be paying attention to what my kid is doing on it. I will not allow this situation to happen every again. I am just hoping my ex is on the same page. We can only protect our kids for long and can only prepare them for so much. I want to protect my children and prepare them as much as I can so in the future, if this situation happens again, they know what to do, who to call, and how to help. Please be more aware of what your kid are doing. It could literally be the difference in life or death for them. 

Introduction

Hello people! I wanted to start this blog off with an introduction. I don't want to give out too many details but enough to hopefully keep you interested. Let's start with my name. It starts with an M and my last name starts with an E. Get it? The M.E. Life? No? Oh well. Regardless, that's all you get unless I know you in person! If so, say hi! 

ok, so, info about me. I just recently got remarried in April of 2020. You know, the year that EVERYTHING went to hell and a hand basket. I mean pandemics, murder hornets, eboli, something with some mouse or rat or something that could only happen in 2020, oh and don't forget the smoke. Everywhere. I live in the PNW and have lived here most of my life and I have NEVER seen smoke that bad. Dear Lord it was irritating. We even had to move our reception indoors thanks to the smoke. Oh wait, I mean wedding protest....Anyways, I have been divorced from my cheating husband for about 4 years now. We have 3 kids together, C, J and E are my life and everything I have done has been for them. 

I met my now husband in July 2017 just before my 1 year anniversary of my divorce and just after the 1 year anniversary of our separation. We were introduced to each other so we could have a date to our mutual friends wedding in Aug but we wanted to meet and make sure we even were attracted and could stand each other. After talking online for a week, we met in person and hit it off. Living 4 hours away from each other made it so we used messenger and text messages to stay in contact. It also allowed us to communicate more then I ever have in any past relationship, my ex husband included. We had a strong foundation and, while still hard dating long distance, made it worth it. After our friends wedding, we decided to date officially and see where it went. A year and a half later, and the kids and I moved to where he was living (I lived there before and moved away because of ex and then moved back because it's always been home for me) so we were now 20 mins apart and seeing each other more regularly. 10 months later, the kids and I moved into his place with him and his parent. 2 months later, his parent moved out and we had the place to ourselves (kids lived with us). 6 months later, we got married and was the best decision we ever made. Having a partner who loves you, supports you, encourages you, and walks through life beside you is amazing and something my first marriage lacked. Maybe one day I will blog about that but that day is not today! 

As of right now, life is not normal thanks to the lovely pandemic. I am working full time while my husband and 3 kids are all doing school zoom classes and clogging up the internet. It's loads of fun. The purpose of this blog, whether I have readers or not, is to be able to write about things I think are important, things that I need to get thoughts out on or need advice on, and just a place to let my mind wander! I'm a talker and figured this was another good way to 'get it out'. 

Well, that's me in a nutshell. I know, no personal information for you to figure out who I am. But it's the internet and you don't need that! I hope you enjoy my blog and I promise to keep up with it as much as possible! Thanks for reading!